Life Without Pretending

When I started writing over-sharing on this blog six years ago, I had made the decision that I didn't want to ever complain. (I follow that rule in my real life, too, but that's not important right now.)

I seriously have so much to be grateful for, and I swear I do lead a charmed life. But like everyone else, I go through a rough patch now and then. Many of those things I've chosen not to write about, but now I'm wondering if you (my readers) wouldn't benefit more from my honesty. Or at least a good explanation for why I have been writing intermittently...

When I wrote about my struggle with Fibromyalgia I was humbled by your tremendous response and how many of you identified with me. I'm so grateful. This has made me feel more brave in sharing what's happening right now.

A few weeks back, just as I was getting over the sinus/bronchitis/pneumonia thing, I got a pain that was not my usual just-a-stiff-neck-you've-been-sitting-on-your-c0mputer-much-too-long pain. The back of my neck went into a spasm and the pain and tingling radiated from my neck, down my shoulder to my arm and over to the front of my neck and face.

People, I'm pretty sure no one's face is supposed to tingle.

I was not happy. Not. Happy.

There was an emergency room visit and muscle relaxants prescribed and then an MRI.

Can I just tell you that the whole MRI business was one of the most profoundly unpleasant experiences of my life. This is the thing where you are strapped to a bed and slid into a tube and have to keep perfectly still while the magnetic resonance imaging happens. (If you can bring your own music and convince the technician that Celia Cruz really is much more soothing to you than the Pandora Easy Listening station, you'll do sooo much better.)

Even with Celia at my side, I'd really rather not have to do that ever again, thankyouverymuch.

But I did it. And the diagnosis is a bulging disk in my neck that is pinching a nerve that's causing the radiating pain. (I so wish I was not writing over-sharing about this, but that's not important right now, either.)

This bulgy-disk-pinched-nerve deal is affecting my life in so many ways. It's tough to sleep, which is already not my strong suit (see: the Fibromyalgia post). I have a constant ringing in my ears, which is making my hardness of hearing even harder. (Seriously, this is so embarrasing.)

I'm in physical therapy now and receiving treatment, but I'm not loving this season of my life. I feel weak and I feel vulnerable. And did I mention the weird tingly-face thing? But again, I've determined to live my life without pretending anymore, so there you have it.

In fact, I was tempted to stop blogging altogether, but something happened last week that made me change my mind. I'll write about that tomorrow.

So, here I am again. Sorry for the long break in my writing over-sharing, but I've been a bit out of sorts. But I'll get through this.

I found this quote and wrote it on the pantry chalkboard in the kitchen. I was inspired by it.

It says: "Expect problems...and eat them for breakfast." ~Alfred A. Montapert.

I like that.

Besides, with Celia's voice in my headphones, I found I can do anything.

Pa'lante y con fe.