He loves me. He loves me. NOT.

I have a love/hate thing going right now with Ralph Lauren. (YES, the designer.)

The love part is that I LOVE his Safari perfume. LOVE IT.

Anything else turns on me. (must be that "hot latina" blood. =D)

I've been wearing it (wearing it well, I might add) for the past 18 years.

I never fail to get compliments.

Total stranger: "My you smell nice."

Me (blushing slightly): " Why, that's my Safari perfume. Made by Ralph Lauren." (notice the effortless endorsement there and everything - I'm obviously doing my part here, Ralpharino!)

So here's the part where Ralphy-boy breaks my heart...

He discontinued MY PERFUME. (yes, I have taken it quite personally)

How dare he?? (FYI - this is obviously the HATE part of the whole love/hate thing.)

So what do I do?? (she asks in a high-pitched whiny voice as she wrings her hands, then just as quickly gets raging angry at ol' Ralpho.)

WHAT DO I DO??

So now I find myself trolling the internet for any perfume outlet that carries Safari.

I am reduced to hoarding! As if this were the depression or something!

Wait. It might be.... I feel a bit of a depression coming on....

Ralph, you have come between a Cuban woman and her favorite perfume.  That's some kind of mortal sin, Ralph.

"Is this how you wanted it to end, Ralph??  Is it??" (like you care! sob, sigh)

(Hey! I can get it through Amazon!  I think I might still love him... I'm so confused...)